Some blog 'contributor' I am - I just cut n paste stuff that other people have written. Observe:
So, I'm becoming a rabid Neko Case fan. She's female, she's got angst, she's a great songwiter, she places herself in the company of highly competent musicians (or is it the other way around... or both?), and her vocals could keep any guy from suddenly getting up out of a chair in a roomful of people. What's not to like? She did a few shows in NYC around Valentine's day and in conjunction with that, provided some answers to love advice questions in The Journal News and it's online counterpart: Musicline.
As a relatively new fan I'm still getting to know her music and what goes on inside her head - I thought reading her answers to these questions was quite helpful in this regard. She is straight up honest, and brutally so. I love the imagery, especially the " 'Incredible Hulk' feelings". Some sample Q&A are below:
Q: Dear Neko, Do you think that long-distance relationships can work? I'm on the East Coast and my suitor lives in the Midwest, a four-hour plane ride away. We talk on the phone and instant messenger every day, and in the limited time we've spent together in person we click in a way I've never experienced before — so I know it's not a case where our relationship is purely based on computerized expectations. We're very honest about our flaws and insecurities and who we are — we were friends first before anything romantic developed. But neither of us have any immediate plans to move to the same city — although I can travel to see him about once a month — nor quit our respective jobs to move. We're certainly taking things slowly, but I'm worried that there's no future ahead for us, despite all of our good intentions. Can this work?
A: I don't know the answer to your question but the word "suitor" intrigues me. Does he court you in short pants? It seems like you are really interested in this parlor sitter so it won't kill you to try it out. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: Proximity does take its toll. There is a lot of pressure to "do it all" in a weekend, expecting to stuff quality "romance" into 48 hours can make you a jellied wreck. The demise of a relationship usually depends on how much you change day to day. If you are in the same town it is much easier for you and your date to adapt subtly to those changes. That doesn't mean it won't work. Watch out for the Judeo-Christian marriage guilt; it will screw you if you don't keep it in check. Also, I think it's very important not to visualize the end of the relationship at the beginning. Duh. The good news is, if you do break up, it's much easier to move on, and you don't have to see them a month later making out with someone new while they're wearing the sweater you forgot over at their house. Ouch. The future, such a dirty concept ...
Q: Dear Neko, I play in a band with my boyfriend of almost six months. We weren't together when the band started, but playing together brought us very close, and it's been a great relationship. Still, we're both in our early 20s, and I see the band lasting longer than the romance — but I fear what it will be like after. I don't want to be playing songs he wrote about the girl who broke his heart or something. How do people you know handle relationships within a band? Does it cause more bad than good?
A: If you see the end now, then do the decent thing and end it now! Band and boyfriends do not mix! Ever! The people I know don't do it. It's taboo. We did all try it once, though. Once. If you end it early, your chances of getting along are much better. Be honest and considerate. Give them all the space they need and be supportive, and for God's sake, don't start dating anyone else in the band!
Q: Dear Neko, My girlfriend has very different taste in music than I do. While I've dated women who have had great record collections and mirror images of my own taste, those relationships have never worked. Who wants to date themself? But sometimes — like when a Phish song comes on the radio when we're driving — I wonder about the long-term compatability here. Forget about "High Fidelity" — can two people with different taste have a real future?
A: Why does everyone ask about the future? I feel bad because the idea of the future (in a ball-and-chain kind of way) freaks me right out. I live in the here and now! (With much help from the crippling past!) If it really bugs you that she likes Phish, you are shallow. I know this because I am also shallow and would not allow such radio in my car, and if it were (my date's) car we were in, I might have to forcibly commandeer the station even if we swerved into a crowd of Grannys. Hippy jam bands give me "Incredible Hulk" feelings. That said, I would gladly endure hours of live, badly recorded Phish cassettes and receive a live goldfish into my mouth from the bongy-lips Trey Anestacio himself if my new date would not ask me to discuss the man-eating "future" machine with those evil "Graco" strollers firing screaming babies at me like a fast-pitch machine. For such courtesy, I would don the floor-length hippy skirt and spin, spin, spin! (But then I would probably still come to my senses.)
Go here for the rest of her advice
So, I'm becoming a rabid Neko Case fan. She's female, she's got angst, she's a great songwiter, she places herself in the company of highly competent musicians (or is it the other way around... or both?), and her vocals could keep any guy from suddenly getting up out of a chair in a roomful of people. What's not to like? She did a few shows in NYC around Valentine's day and in conjunction with that, provided some answers to love advice questions in The Journal News and it's online counterpart: Musicline.
As a relatively new fan I'm still getting to know her music and what goes on inside her head - I thought reading her answers to these questions was quite helpful in this regard. She is straight up honest, and brutally so. I love the imagery, especially the " 'Incredible Hulk' feelings". Some sample Q&A are below:
Q: Dear Neko, Do you think that long-distance relationships can work? I'm on the East Coast and my suitor lives in the Midwest, a four-hour plane ride away. We talk on the phone and instant messenger every day, and in the limited time we've spent together in person we click in a way I've never experienced before — so I know it's not a case where our relationship is purely based on computerized expectations. We're very honest about our flaws and insecurities and who we are — we were friends first before anything romantic developed. But neither of us have any immediate plans to move to the same city — although I can travel to see him about once a month — nor quit our respective jobs to move. We're certainly taking things slowly, but I'm worried that there's no future ahead for us, despite all of our good intentions. Can this work?
A: I don't know the answer to your question but the word "suitor" intrigues me. Does he court you in short pants? It seems like you are really interested in this parlor sitter so it won't kill you to try it out. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: Proximity does take its toll. There is a lot of pressure to "do it all" in a weekend, expecting to stuff quality "romance" into 48 hours can make you a jellied wreck. The demise of a relationship usually depends on how much you change day to day. If you are in the same town it is much easier for you and your date to adapt subtly to those changes. That doesn't mean it won't work. Watch out for the Judeo-Christian marriage guilt; it will screw you if you don't keep it in check. Also, I think it's very important not to visualize the end of the relationship at the beginning. Duh. The good news is, if you do break up, it's much easier to move on, and you don't have to see them a month later making out with someone new while they're wearing the sweater you forgot over at their house. Ouch. The future, such a dirty concept ...
Q: Dear Neko, I play in a band with my boyfriend of almost six months. We weren't together when the band started, but playing together brought us very close, and it's been a great relationship. Still, we're both in our early 20s, and I see the band lasting longer than the romance — but I fear what it will be like after. I don't want to be playing songs he wrote about the girl who broke his heart or something. How do people you know handle relationships within a band? Does it cause more bad than good?
A: If you see the end now, then do the decent thing and end it now! Band and boyfriends do not mix! Ever! The people I know don't do it. It's taboo. We did all try it once, though. Once. If you end it early, your chances of getting along are much better. Be honest and considerate. Give them all the space they need and be supportive, and for God's sake, don't start dating anyone else in the band!
Q: Dear Neko, My girlfriend has very different taste in music than I do. While I've dated women who have had great record collections and mirror images of my own taste, those relationships have never worked. Who wants to date themself? But sometimes — like when a Phish song comes on the radio when we're driving — I wonder about the long-term compatability here. Forget about "High Fidelity" — can two people with different taste have a real future?
A: Why does everyone ask about the future? I feel bad because the idea of the future (in a ball-and-chain kind of way) freaks me right out. I live in the here and now! (With much help from the crippling past!) If it really bugs you that she likes Phish, you are shallow. I know this because I am also shallow and would not allow such radio in my car, and if it were (my date's) car we were in, I might have to forcibly commandeer the station even if we swerved into a crowd of Grannys. Hippy jam bands give me "Incredible Hulk" feelings. That said, I would gladly endure hours of live, badly recorded Phish cassettes and receive a live goldfish into my mouth from the bongy-lips Trey Anestacio himself if my new date would not ask me to discuss the man-eating "future" machine with those evil "Graco" strollers firing screaming babies at me like a fast-pitch machine. For such courtesy, I would don the floor-length hippy skirt and spin, spin, spin! (But then I would probably still come to my senses.)
Go here for the rest of her advice
posted by eHip @ 2:29 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:03 PM,
tom said…
I like the last question, which covers a lot of issues that I have faced in the past and continue to face on a daily basis - that being the issue of different musical taste...
It will be very difficult to say this without sounding like a complete pompous asshole, but once the more demanding and important events in life have been endured, experienced and/or celebrated with your significant other, such trivial matters such as the subjective musical "taste" become completely absurd abstractions, reeking of a shameful shallowness and a narcissistic aloofness that reigns supreme only in the mind of the beholder.
As the the last question states "While I've dated women who have had great record collections and mirror images of my own taste, those relationships have never worked. Who wants to date themself?" This could not ring more true with me as I have had the downward-spiraling experience of meeting someone far too much like myself to ever develop and kind of real relationship without being exposed to a cringe factor that is exponentially higher than anything else because you are cringing at your own qualities reflected. At first it seemed like Mana from the heavens but quickly degenerated into a supreme test in tolerance and forced cordiality.
My wife listens to utter dreck, if I am to be deemed the Super-Most-Fantastic-Ever-Righteous Supreme Judge of what is good and bad. The dreck happens to be more top-40 oriented as she does not want to invest the time and effort to seek out new forms of entertainment. It work for her rather well and she is able to be a positive force in civilization without posing to be a hipster doofus. Earlier on in our relationship this irked me (while never being a monumental issue), but that irked feeling I had was always balanced by the more mature annoyance at myself for being irked by something so unimportant in the larger scheme of things... I have come to love the fact that we are worlds apart in certain regards, such as music. There are no headache-inducing debates over merits and shortcomings, no bizarrely subjective critiques of intangible art, she does not bring home Flaming Lips or Phish [ugh blechhhh] records, the list can go on and on...
After reading back this diatribeI think I really am a complete pompous asshole!
The odd thing is is that I don't have a problem with it...
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