7 Favorite; as requested by the Bastard
7 movies I can not watch, end of story.
Ferris Bulers Day Off (Or as I like to call it "Ferret Bungstuffers Jerk Off)
Bull Durham (More like BULL SHIT! F' them for quoting William Blake. I don't want the maestro's name associated with that goddamn film!)
An Officer and a Gentleman (See comment re: ferrets)
The Commitments (this film asked me to suspend my belief in reality more than Jean Cocteau at a 'Drain-O Rave')
Top Gun (Who fucking cares!)
All "middle" Batman films (I could ask "What were they thinking?" but the obvious answer is they weren’t thinking, they were just stupid, greedy untalented dicks, but that would be sado-necro-equestrophilia)
Big (I'd rather nail my head to a coffee table)
7 places i'd rather not be
At my desk
Lumpa Land
At the editors desk of a Tehranian newspaper
Stuffed into a gimp mask with a leash held by a strap-on brandishing Donald Rumsfeld
In a sandwich (Unless it involved those two little succubuses from Billy's Topless)
Working the counter of a vegetarian deli
Mineloa
7 things i should say more often
Tamper with my food and they'll be finding pieces of you for months to come.
Wa'Salam Malacum mah cracka ass brothers.
Polish Sausage (Must be done with a Chicago accent 'Sas'agje')
Can you row faster than the lighthouse keeper credits you?
That's me on that track, I played saxophone for Otis Redding up until that fateful night on the roller coaster (Note to self, make sure it was actually a Roller Coaster and not some other natural phenomenon that took "The Smoove Chap from Macon" from us before attempting this lie.)
No, I repeat; No, your honor. (or it's equally important kin-folk in preventing alcoholic delusions of grandeur: "Yes")
I got ants in mah pants and I need to dance!
7 people i'd like to rope into doing this
T-Mo
Chimp Dan Heston
Big bad Dave
Darth Cactus
Moo
Hippsilanti
Abe "Funk Lord" Lincoln
7 new dwarf names
Punchy
Smashy
Pukey
Stabby
Kung-Fu-y
Nauseous
Roger Grimsby and Ernie Anastas
7 things i cannot do
A very good Chris Walken imitation
Figure out how to put strings on that G&L ASAT (what's up with those pegs?)
Smoke a Chesterfield down to the filter (do they make them with filters now?)
get into Tom Petty, or listen to Dave Mathews at all, or anything "Clarence Clemmon-esqe"
Wear a t-shirt with any advertisements or a image of communist leftist leader who seventeen year olds over looked ordered the beheading of half his countrymen because he had a mild phobia of "eyeglasses"
The "Safty Dance" or any "Up Rocking"
Tell a lie
7 things to do before i check out
Get the solo to "Stairway" squared away.
Wheelie around the block (tied with "Rock, rock ("'Till I drop!")")
Make a pilgrimage to my sensei's tomb in Bellevue WA
Learn how lights work in Daz|Studio so everything I render does not appear to have transpired a foot from the surface of the Sun.
Find a distributor for my "Mexican Prison" coloring book. (Also; find midgets and nothing but midgets for my all-mariachi production of Jonathan Swifts "A Modest Proposal")
Back up my hard drive (It will do you no harm, other than pee in your afro.)
Get GBV inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; Destroy the rock and roll hall of fame for being a travesty of two shams of a mockery of rock and roll, and Motor Away!
7 movies I can not watch, end of story.
Ferris Bulers Day Off (Or as I like to call it "Ferret Bungstuffers Jerk Off)
Bull Durham (More like BULL SHIT! F' them for quoting William Blake. I don't want the maestro's name associated with that goddamn film!)
An Officer and a Gentleman (See comment re: ferrets)
The Commitments (this film asked me to suspend my belief in reality more than Jean Cocteau at a 'Drain-O Rave')
Top Gun (Who fucking cares!)
All "middle" Batman films (I could ask "What were they thinking?" but the obvious answer is they weren’t thinking, they were just stupid, greedy untalented dicks, but that would be sado-necro-equestrophilia)
Big (I'd rather nail my head to a coffee table)
7 places i'd rather not be
At my desk
Lumpa Land
At the editors desk of a Tehranian newspaper
Stuffed into a gimp mask with a leash held by a strap-on brandishing Donald Rumsfeld
In a sandwich (Unless it involved those two little succubuses from Billy's Topless)
Working the counter of a vegetarian deli
Mineloa
7 things i should say more often
Tamper with my food and they'll be finding pieces of you for months to come.
Wa'Salam Malacum mah cracka ass brothers.
Polish Sausage (Must be done with a Chicago accent 'Sas'agje')
Can you row faster than the lighthouse keeper credits you?
That's me on that track, I played saxophone for Otis Redding up until that fateful night on the roller coaster (Note to self, make sure it was actually a Roller Coaster and not some other natural phenomenon that took "The Smoove Chap from Macon" from us before attempting this lie.)
No, I repeat; No, your honor. (or it's equally important kin-folk in preventing alcoholic delusions of grandeur: "Yes")
I got ants in mah pants and I need to dance!
7 people i'd like to rope into doing this
T-Mo
Chimp Dan Heston
Big bad Dave
Darth Cactus
Moo
Hippsilanti
Abe "Funk Lord" Lincoln
7 new dwarf names
Punchy
Smashy
Pukey
Stabby
Kung-Fu-y
Nauseous
Roger Grimsby and Ernie Anastas
7 things i cannot do
A very good Chris Walken imitation
Figure out how to put strings on that G&L ASAT (what's up with those pegs?)
Smoke a Chesterfield down to the filter (do they make them with filters now?)
get into Tom Petty, or listen to Dave Mathews at all, or anything "Clarence Clemmon-esqe"
Wear a t-shirt with any advertisements or a image of communist leftist leader who seventeen year olds over looked ordered the beheading of half his countrymen because he had a mild phobia of "eyeglasses"
The "Safty Dance" or any "Up Rocking"
Tell a lie
7 things to do before i check out
Get the solo to "Stairway" squared away.
Wheelie around the block (tied with "Rock, rock ("'Till I drop!")")
Make a pilgrimage to my sensei's tomb in Bellevue WA
Learn how lights work in Daz|Studio so everything I render does not appear to have transpired a foot from the surface of the Sun.
Find a distributor for my "Mexican Prison" coloring book. (Also; find midgets and nothing but midgets for my all-mariachi production of Jonathan Swifts "A Modest Proposal")
Back up my hard drive (It will do you no harm, other than pee in your afro.)
Get GBV inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; Destroy the rock and roll hall of fame for being a travesty of two shams of a mockery of rock and roll, and Motor Away!
posted by jimmy3000 @ 2:17 PM
6 Comments:
At 2:30 AM,
Moo R. Squiddles said…
7 Bands I Can Never Get Into (Regardless, completely, of who says I should)
The Grateful Dead
(5 years ago, it would have been The Doors, but I have been enlightened with a cacophony of "Damn, this muthafucka writes!!!")
Buster McCraken and the Unholy Shades of Christening
The Grateful Dead (counts as two)
The Band
Sevendust - a given
My Colon
Bile For Betty
At 8:30 PM,
tom said…
Moo, what is wrong with The Band?
you just have not been exposed to them in the proper context...
The Dead I totally understand, but they too are a many-faceted band. I believe you just are not into the aimless "space" jams and floopy weak whiny hippie stuff (that Jimmy loves)
At 12:00 AM,
Moo R. Squiddles said…
Thomas, it was you who actually introduced me to The Band. There was a concert video you played in the basement of your parents place in 1988 or 89. That's all I have to go on. If there is more which I am sure that there is), I'm sure that I could keep an open ear. Until then, I am not into The Band. Hell, if I could even bend on Coldplay, I might have some hope left.
At 2:10 AM,
tom said…
Moo -
Just go by the anti-Cassar-Drum-Thunder-Theater rule:
If it's got a groove, with an 80's Phil Collins snare drum sound - you are to immediately reject it.
If it has some timeless, ancient element to it, harkening back to days of yore and ringing truth in your innermost musically receptive ear, then it is good... accept it and go with it.
Take all aforementioned bands in with this new attitude, and the world is shinier and newer.
At 10:35 AM,
jimmy3000 said…
I hate to say it but the Dead (and to a greater degree the Bands one time font man Dylan) are begining to grow on me now that I realize it was not the Dead I disliked, it was all thoses idiots who went on "tour" with them in places like:
Penn Yann, Ho-Hocus, Tonawanda, Cocksakie and the dreaded plains of Cheektowoga.
but not until I listened to Jerry play on the Pizza Tapes did I figure out that that weed-king had mad chops.
Granted, he is still no Tony McAlpine.
JIIIM
At 10:51 PM,
bastard central said…
well played jim.
now seven things i can no longer do is find my spleen which flew across the room while reading this. i looked 5 times so that just leaves, keep a straight face whenever i read the name "darth cactus" and something something explosion
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