From Vainglorious to Humbling in a Crack to the Femur

The New Scientist issue on The Body(week of 30 Oct-5 Nov, article itself only available to subscribers, free 7-day trial, is it worth it? I don't know.) includes a sidebar to their Extreme Surgery feature, on leg-lengthening (height extension) surgery.

A couple of links for further enumeration on the procedure, like this one, suggest that it's primarily used on children or dwarves to give them a couple of inches, but NS suggests that it's also offered as a cosmetic procedure.

The procedure involves breaking the legs in two places (above the ankle and below the knee), stretching out the legs by a couple of millimetres a day for a couple of weeks, then plopping the patient in a wheelchair and hoping the bones fuse together properly.

And that's just fucking crazy. I mean, cosmetic surgery (when not for reconstruction) is about as vain as it gets (but fine and I wouldn't offend anyone whose self-image has improved because of a nose-trimming or whatever). I mean, jesus! This leaves you in a wheelchair for up to a year after. Which means you're doing something to satisfy an awful display of conceit, and end up with a massive dose in humility.

Which is just damned brilliant. It's akin to having a tummy tuck and having the extra tissue inserted in your ass, or getting a nosejob but being forced to walk around with no nose at all for a year while you wait for your new one to grow in, growing breast implants on the top of your head for twelve months while waiting for them to be ready to be tucked into your chest. You're saying "I'm willing to go through something that'll undoubtedly make me less appealing/attractive/self-confident/(insert reason for any cosmetic procedure) for a long long time (in this case, crippled! Son of a bitch!) and then I'll be taller and more attractive and have the ladies at last! But jesus, how many months in a wheelchair before you've learned the lesson, and how many years after seeing the world from just a couple of inches taller (providing your bones heal properly!) before you admit to yourself that it's just not worth it???

It's a brilliant idea. There don't seem many leg lengthening procedures performed... maybe it's the right approach? I'd wear my tits on my head for a year to fill out a bra later. Sure thing. No question.