Have you ever drank two bottles of wine by yourself before you go to sleep on a week night?
If you have you will understand the thirst experienced upon waking and the need for cold liquid as your shaky hands struggle with the child-proof cap on the Advil bottle. My advice is to drink room temperature water, slowly. Avoid guzzling a quart of ice-cold (nearly frozen) apple juice, followed by a bunch of grapes. Also avoid thinking that if you disregard my advice and do this, that you can leave the house for a 20-minute drive while sipping strong coffee without having cramps akin to birth pangs, and the need to find a restroom, any restroom, or a private place outdoors, preferably in the woods.
I suspect that I came the closest that a man will ever come to the experience of childbirth, barring passing kidney stones...
A previous post conjured up the toilet scene in "Dumb & Dumber". It is safe to say that the end result of this life-altering event dwarfed the noise and gastric violence of that accursed movie scene. It was like opening a shaken can of Dr. Pepper to the tenth power.