My Thoughts On The Michael Jackson Trial

Michael Jackson is a creepy weirdo. I do not understand him, I believe he set himself up for what is now going on in his over-privileged life. Like most apparently well-adjusted individuals today, the sight of him is fascinatingly morbid and awe-inspiring, mixed with an innate sense of repulsion.

He is a frightening caricature of what is wrong with our celebrity-obsessed, cosmetically-focused contemporary culture. I have very little pity for him and will reiterate that he has brought this whole mess down on himself. For many years, going back to his "special friendships" with the likes of Webster, McCaulay Culkin and other pre-pubescent boys I have seen the red flag glaring in the public eye, almost as if he was flaunting a perverse predilection for such questionable company. I often wondered who was buying into this disgusting nonsense? When was someone going to do something about this? Aside from some early Jackson 5 hits, I never liked his music. I just did not get the whole thing. The real turning point for me was in some extended video that I caught late one night on VH1 the repeated crotch-grabbing dance moves, in the presence of children. I had had enough. So did D.A. Sneddon from Santa Barbara county, who I am loathe to align myself with, despite my earlier wishes.

I will just come out and say it. In this case, I believe he did not molest those boys. The accusing family seem to be first-rate Grifters, working a con on the public's sympathies and apparent outrage at the creature that Michael Jackson has morphed into.

I believe he will walk free from this, his career irreparably destroyed.
Who wants to put money on it?

Sex, Prozac and rock 'n' roll: satirists turn on the 'Glum Rock' takeover of British pop music

As one who is capable of existing under black clouds for prolonged periods at certain times in my life without the relief of little pills, I feel that I have the credibility to judge this article as an absurd broad stroke that paints an entire marketing demographic with yet another new "alarming trend" in the popular music world... ethereal, sad, introspective songs! What an original concept!

This photo is the remnants of an old tennis court at Welwyn Preserve in Glen Cove, NY.

I took a walk down there a few days ago and discovered that a series of abandoned buildings previously boarded shut were all open. It seemed more an act of vandalism than an invitation to tour dank, mouldering,asbestos-loaded hazmat sites that even H.P. Lovecraft would declare as eldritch and unspeakable. I did take some photos in the abandoned buildings which I will post next time... It was positively creepy, in a Blair Witch sort of way.

Alone in an empty, forgotten building, in the dark basement, hearing dripping, the shuffle of rodents and a whistle of wind through broken glass is a scenario that is more enjoyable to read about than to actually experience. My primal fear of the dark and even hidden monsters was stimulated quite vividly.

I didn't realize I still had it in me.

Has anyone seen that new Madonna ad? I think it is Versace. She is aging weirdly and has really ugly feet.
Like this nation's tabloid readers, I take a twisted delight in the decline of the beautiful people.

No one responds here anyway. Go fuck yerselves and stuff.

9th Ave & 14th street in the rain. Shiny cobblestones that have been there for at least 75 years.

I need to get my hands on a fair amount of actual cobblestones to construct a walk in my backyard. They are rather expensive, costing somewhere around $3 apiece at a place like home Depot... I know of an abandoned, unattended pile of them in a semi-secluded spot. Grappling with the concept of boomerang karma has stupidly kept me from grabbing what I need to finish the project which is now a muddy mess that needs to completed.

Yo La Tengo has released Prisoners of Love: A Smattering of Scintilliating Senescent Songs, 1985-2003 - an record full of the stuff that makes this band very difficult to describe and categorize. On one hand they are a droning, Velvet Underground type indie rock band, complete with both Lou Reed and Nico-type vocals, then they have records of acoustic, pretty songs washed in pedal steel, squalling punk distortion freakouts and odd jazz-tinged mellow little ditties. It has been played a lot on my Ipod lately, along with the previously fawned-over Doves, who appeared on Jay Leno last night. It is possible that they will rise to the prominence of Coldplay... mark my words, little people.

Ok, I am reporting far too many semen abuse incidents...
I will attempt to cease and desist, at least until the next busted nut-related crime is reported by a major news source.

Good Music to listen to (or, what I am listening to this week)

1. LCD Soundsystem -Self-Titled Brooklyn hipster doofus puts out a great record. It is dancey at times but mostly rocks. This record seems to unfold and reveal more of itself with each listen. I love it.

2. New Order- Waiting for The siren's Call I read an interview before in some major music rag where Bernard Sumner explained their more rockier sound as a result of being older and not hanging out all night in clubs anymore. I related to this and liked the record at first listen. I recommend it.

3. Luna -Rendezvous While I have always just kind of liked this band, they never inspired me to run out and buy tickets to one of their NY shows, which were many back in the latter half of the 90's. This record contains one song in particular titled Broken Chair that is simply one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard. Pedal steel, perfect melodic, detached coolness. They just played their final NY show. I missed it.

4. Low -The Great Destroyer This band has released a bazillion albums over the past decade and I never really investigated them until a few weeks ago - on a whim I obtained this record and gave it a listen. The whole record is high-quality but there is one track, Silver Rider that is still resonating in my pixel and decibel-addled skull. I rarely describe music as majestic but this one fits the bill.

5. Robert Pollard -Relaxation of the Asshole This is a vinyl-only limited release of the prolific Guided By Voices singer's between-song banter which in the absence of actual songs, feels like an off-kilter stand-up comedy record.
In one spoken piece onstage in Chicago, he reminisces about the previous rock royalty that have stood upon the same stage; Joe Cocker, Meatloaf, Roger Daltrey, and surmises that his next band will be titled Cocker Meatloaf Daltrey. You probably do not find this funny, but then again, I am vastly different than you.

Stuff To Steer Clear Of

1. The new U2 record. Vertigo? Who knows, I may change my tune, like I did with the last record, but it just feels like too much of the same. It has not moved me... yet.

2. Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It is Morning Ok... It is not that bad. The press is fellating this fey little punk as the "New Dylan". How original. didn't they do that with Springsteen and a host of others? Here is a revelation, I do not like Dylan! Never did! The record is very folky in a Dylan-esque sort of way. If you are into that sort of thing then eat my ass.

3. The Killers - I know a lot of you out there like that stupid "somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend" song. I am here to tell you that you are an idiot. Stop it.
Now.


I know, the negativity is sparse... I rarely give a lot of time and energy to things that I do immediately gratify me so they are quickly forgotten.

local6.com - News - Former Dentist Accused Of Squirting Semen Into Mouths Of Patients

It really doesn't get much better than this.

All decent dentists (members of one of the most dreaded but necessary professions) should rise up and lynch this perverse perpetrator for promoting an ongoing fear of waking up in a chair with a drain in your mouth and your pants unbuttoned.

Ok folks, in the oft-aborted spirit of innovation on my own part and preventing this blog from permanently becoming a treatise on bodily functions, I will be posting my pretentious photos, probably 1 a week or every other week until I grow weary of it because no one will respond at all. I welcome anyone else to do the same - you can either email them to me, which is a pain in the ass, or you can use your marginal html skill to post a link to them where they are hosted, provided you know how to do that. If you don't, I have no free time to instruct you, so just settle on looking at mine and either a) fawn over them, declaring me like, the next Ansel Adams or something. Use them as a catalyst to make fun of something other than my aspirations (b)Heckle my pretensious assumptions that you would actually give any care or credit to a point-and-click fraud that just happened to have good ambient lighting at the time... (c)Do not acknowledge them at all, confirming my creeping suspicions about the vast, grinding cosmos of uncaring randomness outside the front door...

This photo is of a Cotton-topped Tamarin, a monkey from the rain forests of Colombia. He is a resident of the Prospect Park Zoo in Brooklyn. This was a cool little beast that seemed to take interest in me as I focused in on him to take some pictures. Oddly enough, he reminded me of Jimmy3000 in his mannerisms and in the way he compulsively scratched his sac in public, unaware of onlookers. I have always had a place in my heart for monkeys and apes, fascinated in their facial expressions, mannerisms and (practically) human ways of interactions amongst each other. The horrendous and tragic chimpanzee attack that occured last week should permanently confirm the fact that these animals should not be kept as pets. I will climb down from my soapbox now and conclude today's entry.

They call me Mr. Jimmy!

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/13/arts/13Rich.html

It pains me to see self admittedly educated writers defending media backlash as some model of the 2nd amendment when they continue to beat the politically correct war drum but server as nothing more than vehicles to out do one another with obscenities. So many of these shows and comedians have no substance at all, but gain notoriety through pushing the envelope whose boundaries are declared by the media, and defined as though those who feel any different must have some non-secular agenda and they threaten with supreme power.

Your godless right to see Ozzy Ozbourne stumble around his kitchen and mumble-fuck as he steps in a freshly crafted swirl of dog shit is being thwarted by the Christian Gestapo! Comedians are being censored for making jokes about the murder of twenty eight hundred men, women and children on a September morning! What’s next? Will they shut down our educators for likening those victims as members of the Nazi party only to retract those statements to allow reprieve for service workers who did not contribute to Amerikkka’s enslavement of the 3^rd world.

I have a hard time with “boogie-man-ism”

Who is the boogie man you ask?

Visions of Oliver Hardy relating to a sleepy haired Stan Laurel as both men are dressed like Bavarian Fairy Tale fairies comes to mind:

“They have great big teeth! And great big eyes!...”

Time goes on; you grow up, no more boogie man, I mean; I check under the bed, the closets; right?

“If we allow a democratic middle east to flourish then we can expect a backlash vote for Muslim extremists!”

You don’t say! And this is based on what, the fact that most young Muslims are pretty progressive thinkers with college educations?

We don’t know, but we can keep showing you that Al’Quedda camp Jihad video until you check under the bed twice.

“Censorship is unconstitutional!”

I fully agree, however I’m at odds with the fact that the founders of this country were concerned that when HBO agrees to syndicate the Soprano’s to network television that the three dozen “fucks” used in place of more descriptive adjectives might be bleeped. When someone outside the media presents a valid argument and that gets shut down I’ll worry. No one is shutting up Ward Churchill, though the media will base a story around the fact that there are protests and people up in arms, no one in the White House has gone after him, left packages in his car or shown up at his house at 3:00 AM. He’s simply an asshole and my 2^nd amendment right will allow me and millions of others to continue to call him an asshole. When did we forget that every American possesses their right to speak, when did it become only those with extremist or obscene views who need protection? That fucking worries me.

“Millions have been killed in the name of God…”

A favorite of mine: Pol Pot: Atheist. Josef Stalin: Atheist. Adolph Hitler: Atheist. Saddam Hussein: Atheist.

In a span of 50 years that’s almost 75 million, it appears sometimes people in power can supplement themselves as a higher power in order to kill.

Did the church kill? You bet your hell-bound ass they did. Didn’t they murder non-believers by the millions in the days of the Inquisition? History and Hollywood seem to differ on this one, but if you’re going to make a bad guy, he better be evil and he should have some theocratic agenda, it makes for a scary dude.

Albert Einstein: Believed in God, came up with the theory of energy into matter.

Robert Oppenhimmer: Believed he was the Hindu God Shiva, the destroyer, built a bomb from Einstein’s work and 100,000 Japanese were killed (I’ve also heard 1,000,000, but the cities of Nagasaki and Hiroshima were industrial, not residential.) Einstein made his borscht-belt “I would have worked for the telephone company” one liner shortly after.

George Bush: Talks to God. I have not worried this much since Clinton talked to God, but that was different since he attacked the Branch Davidian Compound after they talked to God, but their God was a fucking asshole evidently.

$40.00 to see the trailer to Star Wars.
George, I've got two words for you:
"Kiss mah big black ass!"

You scumbag, hasbeen, no talent. Your last two installments were as entertaining as doing my taxes and were written as if they were the instructions to do so.
The only good movie was Empire and that's because Kushner can actually direct, you cant; your writing is bullshit and your decisions about distribution is something I would expect from the Trade Federation.

You bastard.

Your bestest pall in the Star Wars universe,
Darth Jimmy

Yahoo! News - Teen Sends Student Semen-Frosted Brownies

In my search for Motorhead tour dates I landed upon a site called www.anus.com. The ANUS stands for "American Nihilist Underground Society." The most glaringly nihilist item about this site is the fact that they have not yet sold this domain to the highest-bidding porn distributor for a modest profit on an initial $20 investment.

here is a link to the following excerpt, just in case you don't believe me that people are rigging their toilet bowl tanks to do "gravity bongs" out of whilst flushing...

"Where is the instrument of destruction?" I queried Spike, and he who must have taken so many bong hits from his sad soft slitted eyes led me into the bathroom which was fitting for his rathole apartment building, an aging creaking wonder with urine for tiles and faded yellow lather for walls. All I saw was a cracked-up titanic bathtub and a toilet, with the ripped and sagging shower curtain like the dress of a crucified woman between them. "Where?" I said again, lifting up a tube of toothpaste in case it was the instrument in question. "Look," said Spike gleefully.
It was an older toilet with a high tank and a low lever. I stared at it for some time but couldn't figure it and then realized there was a spare hose leading off of the back of the tank. I when I looked at the lever to flush the thing I saw it was a real bowl, a thick wide one, on the end of a tubular lever device. "Dude, that's gross! I'm not smoking out of a toilet!"
"Relax. Do you know how these things work? Ignorance kills you again; this water is harmless, it's the clean water. It runs into the bottom bowl (so to speak) and flushes out the unclean. You are in no danger. Trust me, as I am your friend" (all of this was true, and still is, because Spike despite his faults is a caring person and a good friend).
"Okay, fuck it, load the bowl!" (gleeful greedful & Spike complies, stuffing in fat sweet greenness with hope in his eyes). I picked up the hose to look and then gave it to him but he pushed away my hands with the light touch of a fresh spring frond on a palm tree and said you try i've been baking all day long and so I did and took a huge, sweet, powerful bonghit and realized the beauty of this thing, that noone would ever suspect it and there would never be any evidence as bongwater could be flushed in two flushes and my how easy and bow wow boy was I stoned. "My god, that's gargantuan bud," I stammered, letting my lungs relax and flex and twitch.

[end excerpt]

Absolutely brilliant.

Movies you should run out tonight and go rent!

10) The Mighty.
Normally I wish hot scalding death on Sharon Stone just for being a 2nd amendment hypocrite but Kieran Culkin’s performance is intense and he earns extra bonus points for a fantastic Marlin Brando. Normally I would be put off by the sappy and juvenile plots offered by a screenplay based on a Schoolastic book (Freak the Mighty) but it works. Also, of all people Meat Loaf plays a fantastic bastard.

9) American History X
Holy crap, everyone in this film just pulled it off: Edward Furlong, who I would usually want to sock in the nose, Beverly DeAngelo who you forget entirely ever played Mrs. Clarke Griswald and Ed Norton is intense. Commander Sisko is impressive too. Warning: You will not be jumping out of your bean bag exclaiming “It’s great to be alive!” at the end of this one.

8) The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys
A movie of impressive depth without succumbing to the zeitgeist of the pedophile clergy as the title might suggest. Once again Kieran Culkin, but interestingly playing a young disciple of Christian iconoclast; William Blake. Vincent D’Onofrio is great in everything and Jodie Foster, plays every Nun that ever tried to destroy my free will with terrifying accuracy.

7) Ready to Rumble
Wait a second, a movie about two guys who worship a pro-wrestler, who make bean burritos and drive a septic tank? Yes, possibly the greatest retelling of Arthurian legend ever composed, the subtleties are sublime. If you don’t give a rats ass about tenth century British mythology then it’s simply a wrestling movie and not much fun.

6) Magnolia
Warning: Not "Steel Magnolias", I can file that one away in “Who gives a crap”, P.T. Anderson take pretty much the same cast as "Boogie Nights" (Another one you should rent) and makes a convoluted treatise on the human condition that is as valid as anything by Chekhov (Not the guy on the Enterprise) or Dostoevsky, that comes together in one of the most surreal climaxes ever dreamed up. It’s Cocteau with amphibians.

5) Godzilla
Yes, the one and only. No go-go dancing in this one, no Jet-Jaguar, no little shoebox twins either. Just an enormous force of man made destruction laying waste to Japan like the atomic weapons he allegorizes. Some impressive visuals for a movie made 50 years ago, still frightening as all hell and no mention of Monster Island.

4) Muriel’s Wedding
I think it’s just the fact that Tony Colette plays a total misfit that drew me into this. Another epiphany: Abba is a great band, you can not escape it, even though they come from the same herring laced Scandinavian landscape as Yngwiee, Yngwiee could not exist without Abba, this is scientific fact.

3) Fear of a Black Hat
Rusty Cundieff creates the Hip-Hop “This is Spinal Tap” that had to be done. The movie appears slapstick at times but it’s really part of the charm, I had to include this because most of you have probably already seen Spinal Tap a dozen times, if not; this is Christopher Guest at the top of his game, see them back to back. Rusty is one of the most talented writers out there, he writes and directs for the Chappell show and did both for the very cool “Tales from the Hood” a few years back, which brings me to another overlooked gem of comedy with Rusty called:

2) The Hollywood Shuffle
One of the most intelligent observations of racism since “Blazing Saddles” with some of the most painfully funny moments ever to be filmed. I think I went into greater detail somewhere in this page.

1) Satyricon
It was a tossup between this and “Being There”, but in the end the disturbing imagery and absurdity of your mind going “Did that just happen” is as freakishly accurate as "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" was to the middle ages. To clear this up, if you went back in time to ancient Rome, it would be less like Peter Ustinov getting loaded on food coloring and stumbling over his toga and more like visiting an alien world with disturbing social values, if you could call them that.