SYMPTOM OF THE UNIVERSE

existential dread, subjective media and news reviews and opinionated but not necessarily well-informed commentary.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

They say when writing product copy that you're not selling a product so much as telling a story. What is the story? Is it romance, love, greed? What about Vampires? Vampires are big right now, but not the creepy Nosferatu vampires that look like the lead singer of Judas Priest does now, they look more like 30 something actors on teen dramas who are experiencing all the horrors of high School: Perfect skin, spiffy wardrobe, nary a hair out of place and they own a $135K convertible. They go to Pearl Jam concerts, it's always Pearl Jam, possibly Alicia Keys, but mostly it's just Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam has a tour perpetual holding pattern around their municipality for some reason. They have at least one representative friend from every ethnic group, they live in a town with a cool name, and they're involved in serious environmental issues: "Kyle, we may be 300 year old vampires but someone is going to have to put a stop to that toxic waste dump before all the baby chipmunks are gone from Crystal Falls! Extinct is forever Kyle!"

I didn't have a car in High school, I had a skateboard in school, it didn't have cool graphics, it had a dog gnawing on a mailman's leg (man if some suit sees the bottom of my skateboard hes gonna' be so cheesed - take that society!). I had hair that looked like I had plugged a wet finger into one of Jimi Hendrix's amplifiers. I didn't even have a cool denim jacket with an album cover painted on it, well "Axis: Bold as Love" would be a hell of a thing to paint on a jacket, I should have aimed lower like just the demon on Dio's "Last in Line" that dude was Awesome!
Anyway I was going to tell you of the epic cappuccino failure when I was waiting tables at Dar Tiffany in New York on Valentine's day and all I can tell you is if you're on a date and someone is rude to a waiter they are not a nice person. Anyway Javarama is 100% Arabica blend coffee, Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam says "Taste the difference.", then says nothing more as he disappears into the moonlit forest.